Here are some of the best lines from Joan Rivers tonight on E’s Fashion Police…
Regarding Nicole Kidman’s strange dress: “Bigger wings than Melissa McCarthy’s panty liners!”
Sofia Vergara’s shiny mermaid dress: “Those boob straps are working harder than Lindsay Lohan’s lawyers.”
Lucy Liu’s Terminator dress: “Her dress has more silver holes than you’d find in a lesbian retirement community.”
Ginnifer Goodwin’s red vine dress: “From far away, she looked like Carrot Top’s sperm.”
Claire Danes’ yellow sack dress: “She doesn’t look like she’s a Chinese foreskin.”
Julianna Margulies’ green curtain dress: “Sidebar: How can you be that pale and still have tan lines?!”
January Jones’ Black Swan dress: “Doesn’t she look like a female Tilda Swinton?”
Elisabeth Moss’ tablecloth dress: “Tom Cruise saw that and thought it was so bad, he cancelled her audition to be his new wife.”
Christina Hendricks’ curves: “If she had a blonde wig, she could go judge people on ‘The Voice.'”
Leslie Mann’s “fashion perfection” dress: “Reminded my of seeing Jesse Tyler Ferguson naked… a shock of orange on the bottom.”
Portia de Rossi’s jumpsuit: “Is it just me, or is anyone else getting a kind of lesbian vibe here?” … “Maybe she thought it was come as your favorite dildo party?”
In the end, Joan picked Tina Fey as Best Dressed of the night and Elisabeth Moss as the Worst Dressed.
In related news, Fashion Police co-host Giulana Rancic finally had her baby, and here’s a very awkward picture of her husband Bill holding said baby…
And over at “SNL” this weekend, one of my faves, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, hosted.
Besides a pretty great Weekend Update, the episode kinda bombed.
However, JGL had another memorable opening monologue…