“Destiny might be a lady, but victory has a penis. Direct quote, Scott Caan.”
It’s been a few weeks since the epic Nick and Jess kiss, but New Girl returned tonight. This week found Schmidt, Nick and Jess fighting over a parking space while Winston was on a mission to find a condom (“Booty Call”) anyone?
Winston | Winston officially has his mojo back and he’s still kicking it with the cute girl from “Cooler.” Daisy’s back in town and texts Winston for sex. So he bows out to “Park his car in her parking spot.” Okay, Winston. Okay. At Daisy’s place he realizes he forgot a condom (In this day and age, are we really buying that an attractive sexually active woman wouldn’t have her own stash?) After asking Daisy if she had, “a grocery bag, tin foil, hand sanitizer, shower cap and a twist top” he runs out to find a condom. I was kind of surprised that the only place Winston seemed to be able to get a condom was sweet little Jessica Day’s room. He finally got his condom, but no sex. I’m not sure how that fell apart. Did Daisy not allow him back in her apartment? Anyway, Winston returns home and says he needs “a win.” So the roommates decide he gets the parking spot.
Nick, Jess and Schmidt | We start off tonight’s episode with Nick and Jess in their bathroom brushing their teeth. They’re discussing how things are totally not weird between them… only it’s completely weird between them. Meanwhile, Schmidt has found an extra parking spot for the residents of 4D. Only problem is who’s going to get the spot? Jess has the “lady” card to play, “Winston plays the “race” card, Nick plays the “lazy drunk” card. (Huh? Is that like a thing?) Schmidt argues that he deserves the spot because he pays for the lion share of utilities. (Uh…valid point!) After an intense staring contest Nick decides he’s out. Surprise, surprise. Only Jess and Schmidt note that he has to be the deciding factor on who gets the parking spot. Jess puts on Nick’s sweatshirt and nothing underneath uses her womanly charms to get Nick’s vote. She’s happy to get the spot but when she goes in to give him a huge, Jess freaks and gives Nick and purple nurple. Hearing Jake Johnson scream in this scene is a lot funnier than it should be. Schmidt catches on to what happened between her and Nick and calls bullsh*t. How funny was the scene when Schmidt realizes something is going on with Nick and Jess? “What.The.Hell? You think that I’m blind? That I can’t smell it? I can’t hear it. The stench of filth and lust is all over this room. It smells like Tijuana!”
Nick, Jess and Schmidt each run to their perspective cars to get into the new space, only Nick can’t start his so he grabs a chair and sits in the middle of the spot. (I’ve seen people actually do this. Malls in Jersey are no joke people, no joke.) Schmidt releases his anger over the fact that Nick violated the “Jessica Day no nail oath.” No roommate can nail Jessica or the other roommates get to nail her too. Zooey Deschanel’s reaction to that was so appropriate. “WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?!” and Schmidt said, “Bitches be crazy?” Boo… You trippin.’
So Nick and Jess are still weird and dealing with sexual tension. They’ll continue dealing with it until they realize they want to be together. What did you think of tonight’s episode? Drop a line.
“Reason #2, bitches be crazy.”
“The laws of parking require a vehicle.”