if you didn’t have an audible roar, scream, yell, holler, bellow or screech after watching this episode; then just stop watching all together. If THIS episode didn’t get you riled up then you’re better off watching Glee or Heart of Dixie. *exhale* I’m gonna try to compose myself so we can get down to business. Here we go:
THE KNIGHT’S WATCH
… as someone who’s addicted to food I know that food, and the lack thereof, will make people go crazy. Add in the fact that you’re an outcast, it’s freezing, you haven’t taken a shower, there’s crying babies around, you can smell the fresh KFC but can’t have any, and you’re fighting crazy Zombie’s with dirty dreads … then yea you might lose your entire mind. That is basically what has happened to The Knight’s Watch. None of the rangers ever really liked Craster … he kills his sons and fucks his daughters. Still, they listened to their commander and played nice for the time being so their brethren could get better and they could all be on their way. That reality changed once they found out Craster was hiding turkey legs. It didn’t help any that they had to burn one of their fellow men because he ended up dying from starvation. So the rangers ended up demanding food but Craster wasn’t having it … what happened next was a good old fashion bar fight on speed. Craster ended up getting stabbed in the throat and then they got Mormont with the knife in the back! In all the commotion Sam was able to slip out with Gilly and her baby boy. All of this, is a mess. I’m excited to see just how worse it’s all going to get for The Knight’s Watch, ever since Jon Snow left it’s all gone to hell!
I told you guys a while ago that I’ve always loved Margaery. She’s always known exactly what she wants and what she needs to do to get it. This week, once again, she had no problem wrapping Joffrey around her pretty little finger. Dare I say it, she actually made him look human for a moment. This of course in between his bragging and boasting about Targaryen blood and ashes. At the end of the tour she makes him face his fears and step how to embrace his people. He does so … to Cersei’s dismay … and they stand there proud like a young King & Queen. #sidenote I wonder how long until they consummate the relationship? I wouldn’t be surprised if she let Joffrey get the cookie before the wedding but with all her cunningness she’ll probably hold out as long as possible. Is Joffrey still a virgin? I can’t remember. Meanwhile my favorite Grandmama on the planet Olenna gets a visit from Lord Varys … after a few great one-liners he manages to inform her of Little Fingers supposed plan to “kidnap” Sansa and make her his wife. Now I’m not quite sure if that’s totally accurate because it seemed like Little Finger was crunk and ready to marry Lysa Arryn … I kind of think Varys just elaborated on the story a bit. Still, Olenna agrees that no one has time for Lord Baelish to go anywhere with Sansa. That’s right about the time that Margaery visits with Sansa and they have a good old fashioned gab fest #bffs4life! Marg eventually offers her up brother Loras … because then Sansa will be the sister of the Queen and can run away to Highgarden with her boo. Lady Stark is clearly pleased with this. What she DON’T know is that Margaery also offered Loras to her gay husband Renly. I mean … I guess it wouldn’t be the first time a powerful woman married a closeted gay man.
Tyrion is out for proof that his sister tried to kill him during Blackwater. The very longwinded Varys gives us a
snore story about the sorcerer who bought him and burned his junk off and blah blah blah … skip to: he’s been keeping this man hunched down in a crate 0_0 … While that’s going on Cersei is watching her beloved Joffrey slip away to Margaery before her very eyes. She can’t let that happen so she runs to daddy Tywin and scolds him for not letting her into his inner circle. He puts his guard down for a moment but when she tells him she’s upset because she doesn’t like her daughter-in-law he smells brat and puts her back into her place “..I distrust you because you’re not as smart as you think you are..” Damn. Tywin don’t play no games. Meanwhile, Captain Hook Jamie is being thrown off horses in the mud and drinking animal urine … smh. For a moment we all have a glimmer of hope and think he may be able to still fight with one hand, until we realize that he can’t and they whoop his ass yet again. Fast forward to him feeling sorry for himself and Brienne telling him to man the fuck up and stop acting like a punk. Surprisingly that’s all he needed to hear, thanks Bri!
ARYA IN THE BROTHERHOOD
The Brotherhood Without Banners finally makes it home to their cave with Arya and Gentry in hand … their prisoner Hound is there too. As If the house wasn’t crowed enough, out pops a one-eyed Beric Dondarrion! We haven’t seen him in ages it seems. Well he’s been reborn and baptized and has joined the Brotherhood Without
Bathwater Banners and is ready to make Clegane pay for his sins and the sins of his entire family apparently. Though Clegane says he didn’t help murder any Targaryens, Arya sharply points out that he did kill Mycah! He’s caught red handed and is sentenced to fight Beric. Am I the only one who thinks the Hound is gonna kick Beric’s ass? I also feel like they need to let Arya and Gentry practice their sword fighting. One day they’re going to need to protect themselves and they’re looking a bit rusty.
Poor Theon. He just can’t win. I just said last week how all he needed was one more chance to pull himself together and start doing the right thing. This week started out with that chance being handed to him on a silver platter. He’s rescued from rape and being taken back to his sister. He has an emotional breakdown and realizes how wrong he was to try and take over Winterfell to impress a father that doesn’t even love him. He realizes that as much as he tried to fight it he was a Stark through and through. Just when we think “..okay this guy’s got it together he can do a lot of good..” it’s too damn late !!! it was a SET-UP! His rescuer was just another kidnapper taking him right back to the jail he had just escaped from. …. he’s about to be everyone’s bitch in this prison and it’s not gonna be pretty.
Now I love me a strong powerful woman on TV. Alicia Florrick from The Good Wife, Brenda Lee Johnson from The Closer, Olivia Pope from Scandal … Thelma Harper from Mama’s Family. But Daenerys Targaryen is the baddest chick on the block !!!! I LOVE HER! I was waiting the entire episode to get to her and just when I thought HBO was gonna play me and we were gonna be forced to wait another week she popped up on the screen. Khaleesi and her people are on their way to meet with Krazyns one last time to finalize their deal. She rolls up on him, hands him the chained dragon, and he gives her the golden whip that will put her in control of the entire army “..is it done then?” THEN this girl begins to speak in Valyrian !!! I told ya’ll weeks ago that she knew what that disrespectful slave trader was saying all along. She orders the Unsullied the kill everyone in power and they get to stabbing! Then she yells “..DRACARYS!” and the dragon swoops around, winds up, and burns the old man to a crisp. After that, in true Daenerys fashion … she frees every single slave warrior. She informs them that anyone who wants to leave can leave and she will not stop or harm them. The only offer that’s on the table? Choose to fight in her army … what do they do?! They march on out in the wilderness with their Khaleesi and her dragons.
“..you’re a bastard, a daughter-fucking wildling bastard..” – Night Watch Ranger says to Craster right before he stabs him
“..I can’t say I’ve ever seen a man drink horse piss that fast..” – said to Jamie Lannister before as he thinks he’s drinking Desani
“..winter is coming, now that’s memorable..” – Olenna Tyrell
“..if you give them your love, they’ll return it tenfold..” – Margaery says to Joffrey
“..my real father lost his head at King’s Landing..” – Theon
“..I am Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, of blood of the old Valyrian. Valyrian is my mother tonuge..”