Well … it’s that time of year again when Game of Thrones has come to an end. If you were like me, you spent a moment angry because HBO only produces 10 episodes per season and has the nerve to space them a year apart. Then you were sad because the families you love, and love to hate, wouldn’t have a weekly presence in your life. Then, again if you were like me, you went to see how much the books cost and how many pages each had because you thought maybe it’d be a good idea to just keep the story going. Then, as I did, you realized you had 27 other shows to watch until next season. Okay, enough with the rambling, let’s get to it.
The family we were forced to love has gotten dramatically smaller. Sansa, Arya, Bran & Rickon are all orphans and to make matters worse, they’re all separated. Maybe they can be on the next episode of “The Fosters.”
Arya is a wreck, but I would be too if I were her. After getting knocked unconscious by Hound, the first thing she sees when she wakes up is Robb’s body with the head of the a wolf attached to it. Definitely disgusting, but also rather crafty if I must say. Later when they’re on their way to … hold up, where are they going actually?! They come across some of Frey’s men boasting about killing the Starks. Arya plays dumb little hungry orphan girl and when the leader isn’t looking manages to stab him to death. The Hound jumps in and takes care of the other ones. I keep forgetting they live in an age where people have never laid eyes on one another … it would’ve been a tad bit cooler if the men recognized her as Arya Stark. Once the mini-masacre is over she holds up a coin and says valar morghulis … “all men must die.” I’m pretty sure Arya’s new mission is to kill everyone … and we all know she’s capable of doing it.
Bran and crew are on their way North of the wall when they stop to take a break and catch some shut eye. They hear some very strange grumbles and rumbles and who is it? Sam, Gilly and Sam Jr. One look at Bran and Sam knows he’s Jon Snow’s little brother, which makes him his littler brother as well. Even though he strongly recommends not too, Sam agrees to help Bran and crew get North of the wall and gives them all the dragon glass he has. Interestingly, Bran believes they have the power to fight the White Walkers and the army of the undead. Now I don’t know if I’m not thinking outside of the box enough but I have no idea why on earth they think they possess that kind of power. Can you really get in the mind of something that’s already dead? We shall see! Also, because we know how much GOT loves to foreshadow, Bran telling the story of the Rat Cook is very interesting. Maybe Arya will kill Joffrey, cook him up, and serve him in a pie to Tywin. That’d be amazing.
Sansa started off this week much more chipper than we’ve seen her recently. She seems to have accepted her role as Tyrion’s wife and they even have much better chemistry than I would’ve imagined. That is until she finds out the rest of her family is dead …. UGH !!!!! Sansa is so useless sometimes. If she really had any smarts she would put all her energy into getting out of King’s Landing and running away … wouldn’t it be awesome for Khaleesi to stumble upon a dehydrated nearly-dead girl only to find out that it’s Sansa Stark lying alone in the dessert.
Jon Snow is PISSED about his face, first and foremost. While he’s trying to tend to his wounds his boo Ygritte finds him. I must say, his love-filled monologue got me. Sadly it didn’t have the same effect on Ygritte because after he’s done talking and tries to flee she shoots him with an arrow … then shoots him with another one … THEN when he’s already on the horse and almost gone she manages to shoot him once more. Still, if Yigi wanted to kill him she could’ve, she mearly just wanted to hurt him as bad and he hurt her. Thankfully back in the day horses were smart as hell because the random horse Jon was on knew exactly where to take him. Sam and the other brothers find him at the wall and hurry him in to safety. I don’t know what’s going to happen next with Mr. Snow but people who’ve read the books adamantly tell me not to count him out, so i’m guessing his story is going to turn into something that’s not even on our radars right now.
Theon is literally having the worst month of his life. The only thing bad about have a large penis, is not having it anymore. Especially when people keep eating jumbo-sized sausages in front of you. It’s a sad situation really, but I can’t say it’s a situation that Theon doesn’t deserve. I had such high hopes for Mr. Greyjoy … knows he’s just Reek, and his Grey will never have any Joy again. We also learn that Theon’s ruthless torturer is Bolton’s bastard son Ramsey. This fool is insane, I honestly thought he was about to rape Theon during his meal … don’t be surprised if that happens. Meanwhile, they’ve sent Theon’s appendage in a very nice box they got from Nordstrom back to his biological father Balon. With it contains a note commanding him to remove his soldiers from the North or else pieces of Theon will continue to arrive in the mail. He doesn’t care … no surprise there. Yara however does and sets sail on the ocean blue to go rescue her brother. Theon may not have his manhood anymore but his sister Yara is man enough for the both of them.
I HATE THE LANNISTERS … but this was the best small council meeting yet. The entire family is sitting around the table and when they learn of The Red Wedding Joffrey is so happy he’s basically gone mad. He even plans to serve Robb’s head to Sansa at his wedding … okay, first of all, who the FUCK would do something like that … ugh #deathbetoJoffrey Tyrion shuts that down of course and when Joffrey tries to fire back Tywin shuts it all down. Then he sent Joffrey to bed like a 4-year-old. It was wonderful. Tywin also confirms he was the master planner behind the Stark massacre. Later, Cersei is trying really hard to get us to like her because she’s becoming more and more human by the second. Eh … I refuse to feel sorry for her. Maybe in season 4. In the end she’s rejoined by the love her life, father of her children, and sharer of her mother’s womb … Jamie. I already know HBO is going to throw a huge incest-filled love scene in our faces before long, and I’m not at all ready for that. What I am ready for is the scene where Joffrey learns that Jamie is his real father … can’t WAIT for that to happen. *sidenote: it would do well to take note how Lord Varys described Tyrion as the one man that could make their world a better place. I do believe if there’s any good in the Lannister family, it’s inside of him.
Stannis and his red woman are trying to kill people again, per usual. While that’s going on Ser Davos is in the dungeon bonding with Gendry and they realize they’re both “flea bottoms.” When Davos finds out Stannis and Malisandre plan to kill the boy as a sacrifice he’s not having it at all. He sets Arya’s boo on a boat in the middle of the night for King’s Landing. Perhaps that’s where they’ll meet again? Stannis sentences Ser Davos to death but once SD tells her about the White Walkers beyond the wall … Malisandre saves his life. I keep forgetting that all-in-all … Stannis is the rightful heir to the Kingdom after his brother died. Gendry is a bastard so even though he’s the only child of Robert still alive he could never sit on the Iron Throne. If one could prove that Joffrey and his siblings are full Lannister blood, Alicia Florrick could get Stannis what’s rightfully his.
I almost gasped when I realized we hadn’t gone to my beloved Daenerys but yet in the last moments of the finale we were blessed once again. Khaleesi and her army and stationed outside Yunkai and for a moment we’re all distressed because we’re worried the slaves won’t join her. Then the doors open and about 17,000 people seem to come outside. She gives them a speech only a Queen could give, telling them to own their freedom and denounce their slave shackles. After hearing her inspirational words the entire crowd started chanting “Mhysa” which means “mother.” I of course teared up and she sent her dragons flying through the air, walked down into the crowd with the people, and allowed them to lift her up in the air. Now look … I take monumental note in the fact that they not only ended the entire season with this moment but also named this episode after her. Big things are coming for Khaleesi and that’s one of the main reasons I continue watching this show. I can’t wait until everyone else lays eyes on her, and she rides on her dragons and breathes fire amongst them.
BEST QUOTES … there were a lot this week
“..killed a few puppies today?” – Tyrion
“Robb Stark is dead … and his bitch mother.” – Joffrey
“..everyone is mine to torment, you’d do well to remember that you little monster..” – Joffrey
“..oh i’m a monster, perhaps you should speak to me more softly then. monsters are dangerous and just now kings are dying like flies..” – Tyrion
“..any man who must say ‘i am the king’ is no true king..” – Tywin
“..the northerners will never forget..” – Tyrion
“..i wanted to carry you in the sea and let the waves wash you away..” – Tywin
“..he killed a guest beneath his roof, that’s something the God’s can’t forgive..” – Bran
“..every time we deal with an enemy we create two more..” – Tyrion
“..i know i know you, i know you love me, but i have to go home now..” – Jon Snow
“..this war of five kings means nothing, the true war lies to the north my king. death marches on the wall..” – Malisandre