New Girl Premiere Recap – “All In”

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Newbies! It’s been a whole summer of wondering what was going to happen with Nick and Jess, who Schmidt chose between Cece and Elizabeth and if Winston was going to be hospitalized by the badger bite. But New Girl has returned so let’s dive in!

“All In” 

Nick & Jess | New Girl starts of exactly where the show left off last summer. Nick and Jess driving in her car. They’re both giddy over being together. They both really like each other. Nick and Jess decide they’re “all in.” Then they have car sex. Nice! When they get home, Nick and Jess both kinda freak out. “They’ve only been dating for 30 minutes and they already live together.” After being home for literally 5 minutes, Nick starts to get the beginning of his 40 texts a day from Schmidt. After getting interrupted by Schmidt and Winston, Nick and Jess run away. Deciding that they need time alone. I guess time alone means a road trip to Mexico, because that’s where they end up.

ImageAfter a few days, Nick is incredibly sweet and adorable. He wants to stay in Mexico and just be with Jess, but Jess wants to go home and probably shower. I’ll have to admit, I was so distracted by how dirty Nick and Jess looked it was hard to concentrate on the two of them being together. I felt like I could literally see dirt on Jess’ body. It was disgusting. When Jess asks to go home, Nick totally acts like Nick and gets himself “arrested” for being on a private hotel beach. But he only gets “hotel arrested” which means that he was just being held in a room in a waiting room.

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Jess freaks out and returns home to get Winston and Schmidt to help get Nick “out of jail.” How’d she get back to LA? Her car was a makeshift homeless shelter on a Mexican beach and she clearly said earlier in the episode that she had no money? Hmm…Anyway, with the help of Winston and Schmidt Jess gets Nick out of trouble and they return home and make out.

Schmidt, Winston & Cece | Back in LA, Winston is obsessed with completing a puzzle. Schmidt points out that Winston is terrible at puzzles and he is! Start with corner pieces Winston! Everyone knows this! We later discover that Winston is colorblind. I guess this is supposed to explain why he can’t complete a puzzle. Meanwhile Schmidt has to decide between Elizabeth and Cece. Instead of being a man about it, he tells both women that he wants to be with each of them. So now Schmidt is stringing along both Elizabeth and Cece. Sigh* we already know this isn’t going to end well.

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Schmidtisms:
“The picture’s on the BOX! IT’S A JAPANESE GARDEN!”
“Would you like some truth, Winston? Well here’s some truth for you. You’re terrible at puzzles. The worst I’ve seen by a mile. What do you have fly vision? Look at this puzzle piece! Ages 6 and up! And you’re up Winston, way up!”

Honorable mention:
Schmidt, Jess and Winston on Nick:
Winston: “You hope he’s somebody’s bitch?”
Jess: “No! like a mentor!”
Schmidt: “He would never be picked as somebody’s bitch.”
Winston: “Nick is a very attractive. He could be a bitch.”
Schmidt: “A sissy perhaps, but not a bitch? No way!”
Winston: “He could be a bitch.”
Schmidt: “He could not be a bitch.”
Jess: “Oh my god! What’s a sissy?”
Schmidt: “Really Winston, a chubby gringo?”
Jess: “Stop it! Nick is my bitch!”

What did you think of the premiere newbies? I wouldn’t say this was one of the show’s best episodes but it had its moments. Max Greenfield was looking hot! Winston has a great singing voice: “Puzzzzllliinnngg, Winston’s bout’ to do some puzzzllliiinnnggg…” Are you excited to see what’s in store with Nick and Jess? An did you look up what’s a sissy in prison terms? We’ll chat next week!

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