Well, well, well. “America’s Most Addictive Show,” as ABC loves to tout, is not just back, but back with a Vengeance! All summer long people have been awaiting the arrival of Scandal Season 3. I personally was not in the least bit let down. So, let’s get right to it.
DADDY’S LITTLE GIRL
Let me first say that I now know where Olivia gets her swagger from, because Daddy Pope ain’t no joke! All of him is scary, including that one tooth in his bottom row that just won’t seem to sink back down into him gums #nevertoooldforbraces. We start off the Season 3 premiere 22 minutes from where we left off in Season 2. Daddy Pope has scooped up Olivia and is whisking her off to new life. I must say, it sounded very good. 8 months on an island, all the money you could want, private planes, new identities .. I was actually interested to see if Shonda was going to take that route and then we pick up 8 months later when Olivia has a change of heart and comes back to DC. That would’ve made an equally compelling story I think. But alas, Olivia eventually refused her father’s offer. I know that was hard for her to do because Daddy Pope called her a whore, an idiot, a simpleton & mediocre .. and at that very moment I decided that if my father ever called me mediocre I’d just die, immediately. Moreover, when he got up in her face and exclaimed, “I am the hell & the high water,” I was filled with the same fear that Olivia was. Still, after Olivia did get on the plane she called the other “Monster” in her life, Cyrus Beene. He told OP to get off that plane and go fight this battle; that roared up something inside of her because before you know it she’s off and at ’em. Of course Daddy is pissed, and the next day he summons her again to try and get her out of the country. Once they start discussing Jake and Olivia realizes, or remembers rather, the monster her father really is and she’s outtie 5000.
THE WHITE HOUSE
Things at The White House are obviously in an uproar. A meeting (with amazing dialogue) goes down in the Oval Office between Fitz, Cyrus, Sally Langston and Sally Langston’s assistant/PA/chief/pet. Cyrus wants Sally to take all of the President’s speaking engagements for the time being but she’s not having it! She refuses to be less than the holy woman of God that she is and take up for Fitz’s penis. She’s so angry she basically tells Cyrus that he, his gay husband, and his brown baby are all going to hell #dangmama. When the President shoos everyone out of the room for a heart to heart with Sally, for the first time we actually see that Sally actually does have a heart. It was quite refreshing I must say. Fitz explains to her that he plans to come clean but just needs a couple of days to get it together. His honesty and humility touches her, and she agrees. We later find out that Sally agreed because her own holy husband is out having “fun” with DC hookers every night. Meanwhile, Mellie & Cyrus are on the case. We learn that the secret service agents have loose lips and consistently spill White House secrets at the bar. Culprit number 1? HAL !!! #halaintshit … he’s just stumbling all around the bar yelling out top secret information. Someone fire his ASS !!! Forrest Whitaker kept secrets for 40 damn years in The Butler but Hal’s ass out here telling everyone’s business … smh. Come to find out though, it wasn’t even HAL that told the full story, it was Tom’s ass #tomaintshit … but more on that later. *Sidenote: tonight was the first time I can remember Cyrus kissing James like that in public, especially in the halls of The White House.
We didn’t see a whole lot of The Gladiators this episode but they definitely put in some behind the scenes work. First let me say that Abby must’ve gone to see The Wizard of Oz in the 22 minutes between last season and this season because her hair and make up have been amazingly stepped up #weseeyouAbby. Moving along, after Olivia refuses to get on the plane she and her stubborn pride go to the office like it’s business as usual. To her surprise, and only hers, all her clients are on their way out the door. I mean really .. if you yourself are in the midst of the crisis how are you gonna help me with mine?! When’s the last time any of us got our hair cut/done by a barber or stylist who’s head looked like a homeless struggle ……………. exactly. Once the team realizes that Olivia is delusional they take matters into their own hands and call Cyrus. First he isn’t trying to hear it but once Mellie steps in the entire plan is laid in place. In a matter of minutes, the camera lens was taken off of Olivia and zoomed into White House Press Secretary Jeannine Locke .. poor girl, she never had a chance. Fitz is pissed! Olivia is pissed! But they were also living in a dream world. I have to give it up to the team though, they did that. Tonight’s Gladiator Song of The Week: “Super Freak” by Rick James. Great choice of bringing it on over all the footage of the news reporters calling Jeannine a hoe.
OLIVIA, FITZ & MELLIE …. OH MY
You Guys … Olivia done pulled the Fire Alarm! All of the sudden 9 black girls leave her apartment going into opposite directions and she’s taken to a secret military bunker to meet with Fitz … and Mellie! Now, I’ve said time and time again that Mellie is one of my favorite characters mainly because Bellamy Young has humongous acting chops, but more than that, her character is so badass and multilayered and I love it. Not to mention, the one thing that many people seem to forget and ignore is that Mellie is the WIFE! Fitz & Olivia are the CHEATERS! As far as I’m concerned Mellie has every right to be as evil as she wants to be because she’s the one being cheated on! Ugh .. Needless to say, the entire scene in the bunker was fully amazing and emotional. From them arguing about whether to tell the truth or not, to Mellie revealing she knows all the dirty details, to Olivia & Fitz being hurt up that their “love” has been reduced to two sexual romps .. I was fully into everything and then rewound and watched it a second time. They finally agreed on a plan and Mellie flees before she has an emotional breakdown, because you know she refuses to have that happen in front of them two. Then Fitz gets up and does his usual sultry, horny walk over and grabs Olivia because he knows deep in her heart that’s all she really wants .. but she doesn’t hug back and only lets it linger for a second. I was proud of her in that moment, because dozens of other times they ripped each other’s clothes off and had inappropriate sex. After the brief embrace she leaves and The President is left there looking defeated. For a moment I was wondering, “Why does Fitz looked so sad?” .. “Why was he so against this perfect plan?” .. because HE was the one who leaked Olivia’s name to the press !!! That fool. Of course Mellie figured it out, because that’s what Mellie does. And I must say, after that final altercation between the Grants in the Oval Office, Fitzgerald is the worst husband … the WORST! You all might be a fan because of the way he acts with Olivia, but admit it, you wouldn’t want to be married to his ass.
– For a final bombshell, Charlie the murderer is waiting for Cyrus (next to a drugged James) once he gets home and kidnaps him to go meet with Daddy Pope. Once there DP gives Cyrus the confidential file of Operation Remington .. apparently the truth is a doozie because even Cyrus is full of shock. Who the hell knows what’s in there but I’m sure we’ll find out soon.
– The look on Sally Langston’s face when she saw the Press Secretary was being named as the President’s slut was pure awe and anger. She’s coming for Fitz ya’ll .. just wait.
– When Huck grabbed Olivia out of the car it felt like the moment the Prince kissed Sleeping Beauty and she woke from her cursed slumber #magical
– Olivia’s mom is dead … so sad
“..what did I always tell you,” Daddy Pope asks, “You have to be twice as good,” says Olivia (every black parents said this to their child FYI)
“..are we gladiators? or are we bitches..” – Harrison to the Gladiators
“..The White House will destroy you,” says Daddy Pope. Olivia responds, “that’s what mom use to tell me about you.:”
“..Ambassader Heller- Guten Tag..” – Olivia acting like her clients were sticking around
“..I wouldn’t need to smile at Oprah if you didn’t screw your whore every chance you got..” – Mellie
“..that is me being in love with another woman..” – Fitz
“..couldn’t we just kill another Intern?” – Quinn
“..I am never out of options..” – Olivia motherfucking Pope